Happiness Secrets

HAPPINESS SECRETS

I recently heard an interview with Darren Hardy, the Editor of Success Magazine.  He talked about a very rich man that he and his father visited when they found out he had cancer.

After the visit was over, the old man called Darren back into talk with him and the old man gave this advice, “The time I spent developing wealth, I wish I had spent developing relationships.”

I think what he was saying is that he spent all his energy building wealth and it never gave him the happiness he wanted.  Only on his death bed did he discover that happiness may lie in the things we may take for granted, such as the people we love and the relationships we've developed.

I've been thinking a great deal about happiness as I plan this next stage of my life.

I am making a concerted effort not to get trapped once again by thinking money or stature, or significance in other’s eyes will making me happy.

Sure I may want the new car, house or wealth, but isn’t it just because I have the illusion that those things will make me happy?

Well, fortunately we won’t have to experiment on our own.  There are now a whole host of scientific studies on happiness.  Truth be told, what we often think will make us happy doesn't  and true happiness may be found in the simplest of places.

Frank Kern, in his seminar, Core Influence, talks about when he achieved all the toys – a big house, Ferrari, Mazaratti and time to goof off and how he was more miserable than he had ever been.  It seems only when he decided to serve the people he wanted to serve that he found more happiness.

But happiness is just a feeling, isn’t it?  Well yes and no.  Studies done at prestigious universities such Harvard have looked at all aspects of happiness: personal happiness, economic happiness, state happiness and geographical happiness.

And they've pasted together a pretty good data base of the things, thoughts and strategies actually make people happy.  Certainly it is worth a look and should be the backbone of any life blueprint.  

Here’s what they've found:

You control about half your happiness level.  That’s the good news and bad news.  Apparently about 50% of our happiness is preset by genetics.  The good news is that we can control about 40%-50% of our happiness.

2.    Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness.  You've always heard it, but apparently what we've been told (but never really believed to be true) is that you can’t buy your way to happiness.  Once we get to the place where we can pay our bills and pay for the lifestyle we have become accustomed to there is little statistical difference than someone who may earn $70,000 and a billionaire.  One exception to this is that people who give away a lot of money are much happier on average.  Either way, I am looking at the fact that if we want to be happy, we need to have at least a level of financial certainty.

3.    Lottery Winners are only temporarily happy.  Yes, you guessed it – winning the lottery will make you happy, but hold on a second, research also shows that happiness will fade back to your normal level of happiness.  In fact, if you were to compare someone who suffered a terrible car accident and lost their legs with a lottery winner a year later, statistically you would not be able to predict which person would be happier.

4.    Relationships Produce Long-Term Happiness.  If you want to be happy, develop strong and healthy social and/or marital relationships.

5.    Experiences Matter, not Things.  People who do things together – take walks, vacations, attend children’s sporting events report higher levels of happiness than those who live in mansions and drive sports cars.

6.    Helping Others Is Important.  This should be another no brainer, but those that are compassionate and seek the well-being of others are happier.

7.    Become Who You Were Meant to Be. Happiness has something to do with living a legitimate life and seeking out our own special calling.

8.    Don’t Compete with the Joneses.  Interestingly, those who are happy generally live in homes, drive cars, and generally spend money, similarly to their peers.

One last thing, according to Dr. Martin Seligman, the author of Flourish and Authentic Happiness, there are five pillars of positive Psychology which he calls PERMA: Positive Emotion, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment.

In building a life I love and in providing a blueprint for a full and worthwhile love, the plan I am building must contain all of the elements above.

Last, as far as happiness goes, I’m going to stop writing this entry and meet my beautiful wife and my good friends for a drink at Slatterly’s.

Doug

Resources:

5 Reliable Findings From Happiness Research.  World of Psychology. John M. Brohl, PsyD.  http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/04/10/5-reliable-findings-from-happiness-research/